Keeping conflict in perspective

A friend told me about a conflict she was having with her next door neighbor.

Due to a misunderstanding the neighbor was pretty upset, so much so that when they passed on the street and my friend said hello and reached out to shake his hand, he withdrew it, avoided eye contact, muttered a monotone “hi” and quickly walked past her.

She felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. Stunned, she walked back to her house wondering what had just happened. It was even more upsetting because she’d communicated with this man about the confusion that had initially caused the conflict, and she thought that he’d understood her point of view. She wanted to find out what went wrong, but he clearly didn’t want to discuss it.

We talked about the incident for a while, brainstorming strategies that would help her deal with this unexpected blow, but eventually I left her to think it over on her own.

A surprise attack is one of the hardest conflicts to handle. It’s a shock to the system. Often the first reaction (after your heartbeat returns to normal) is to blame the other person or to blame yourself and to get caught in endless internal dialogue about who's at fault and what to do next.

Regardless of the cause, a troubling conflict may take time to untangle and can disrupt our lives while it's going on. We lose our balance and often operate on half-power, the other half working non-stop to figure out where to assign blame and (as much as possible) to justify our own actions. If it's disturbing enough we lose focus at work and at home, have difficulty making even routine decisions, and spend wakeful nights deliberating over the best way to handle it. It's hard to do anything wholeheartedly until it's resolved.

I felt a lot of empathy for my friend. I've been there and it's no fun. One of the ways I tried to help was to listen when she needed to talk, and I suggested she take care of herself during the process of unraveling the situation. Conflict is hard on the body, on the mind and on the spirit, and there are strategies that can help us keep perspective and move the conflict toward a positive resolution.

• Breathe and find your balance. A conflict can unbalance us with strong emotions and feelings of unworthiness, anger, sadness, and frustration. Don't avoid these emotions, but rather treat them as guides. Appreciate and observe as you might observe a play. There is a lot of power in this emotional energy, and as you breathe and watch, you'll find a way to use it that's in line with your best purpose.

• Take the long view. It’s so easy to get caught in the turmoil of the conflict that we forget there will be a tomorrow. Take some quiet moments to close your eyes and see yourself in the future with the conflict resolved. Imagine how you'll feel with the problem behind you. What would you like the relationship to look like a month from now, a year? Meanwhile, eat well, go to bed at regular hours, laugh and allow yourself to forget the problem occasionally. This may not be easy, but it's effective. Allow your inner wisdom to work silently while you continue to engage in life.

• Reframe. Step outside the conflict momentarily. Instead of resisting it, ask yourself if there is a gift here – an invitation to look at the problem differently or to try out a new behavior. Acknowledge the other person by stepping into their shoes. Why are they behaving this way? What do they want? How would you feel if you were in their position?

• Practice. Brainstorm all possible responses to this situation and try them on for size. Get a friend and role-play alternatives you think you'd never choose because they're so unlike your usual persona. Have fun exercising unexplored selves.

• Count your blessings. Notice the good things in your life. Cultivate gratitude and wonder.

After brainstorming many options my friend decided to write a letter to her neighbor. She refrained from justifying her own actions. Instead, she acknowledged his feelings and offered to talk with him about the situation. They began to talk and, over time, came to be good neighbors again.

Some questions to help you practice good conflict management:

1. What happens when you're surprised by conflict?

2. How do you usually behave, and how is it different from what you would like to do?

3. Think about the last time you experienced this kind of "surprise attack." How did you handle it? What might you have done differently? What next steps will you take?

Conflict can cause us to lose sight of the big picture -- of what we truly want in life, why we're here, and what's important -- or to see it more clearly. In "The Magic of Conflict," author Thomas Crum says, "our quality of life depends not on what happens to us, but on what we do with what happens to us." This feels true, doesn't it? Making it operational is the key to finding our power.

Home schooling in california

Home schooling programs vary from state to state in the U. S. As a personal option of parents for their children, the need to comply does not end in enrolling. Parents play a big role in its success.

In California, it is a compulsory for all children to acquire public or private schooling and be given the right education. Under the educational codes of California, methods of exemptions to the mandatory school attendance have alternative learning options as follows:

1. The child has private tutors who have valid credentials for specific subject matter. The number of hours of instruction must be three hours a day, 175 hours a year. All parents who opt for this choice at their discretion do not need to send the child to formal schooling.

2. Home Study Program (HSP) and Charter Schools of California - Parents have the option to enroll their child to the nearest public school for a home-based study program, where the school will assign a teacher who will facilitate and check the student's home-schooling on a monthly basis. The tutorial program sessions are under the parent's responsibility at home.

3. Private Independent Study Program - almost similar to public chartered school enrollment with differences in curriculum and rigidity in training. Private schools in California are not required with heavy restrictions on credentials.

4. Complying R4 Form (Private School Affidavit) - Home education system can be established by individuals in their respective homes by just complying the requirements set by educational codes of California Department of Education. With least restriction from among the alternative methods of home-schooling schemes, this is purely a program for very few students of not more than five attending schooling at home in a very private environment.

Certainly, change in a child's schooling scheme affects parental goals and orientation. The advantage of institutionalized schooling is the amount of time parents get liberated to spend on their career while their children get the substantial education they pay for. Home schooling on the other hand, requires the entire time of parent participation, which is a great career sacrifice in exchange of personally educating a child. The price is spending quality time and close bonding with the child.

Assuming how the child will have substantial positive socialization is the main consideration of home schooling. To families of reputation or those who have "special child," the need for home schooling is not questionable. The correct formula to child education cannot be determined because the whole process will not be projected by imagination. It happens in a span of decades.

Life insurance - tackling the top reasons why we put off buying it

OK, thinking about your own mortality is not a topic anyone enjoys, but our own death is one of the few certainties in life. So why do 35% of Canadians not insure their own life to make sure their family or loved ones are financially protected? While the number of reasons likely match the number of people not insured, the following are the most commonly heard.

Reason #1 – I don’t have a need for life insurance:

Let’s be honest, this reason is by far the most common and for most people untrue. Unless you are an individual who does not have children, has money on hand to cover all debts and funeral expenses, and does not feel the need to offset the loss of their income to a spouse, leave any additional money to family, or to a charity, then it may be true, you don’t need life insurance. But few people have the funds readily available to fulfill all their wishes or meet their obligations after their death.

At the very minimum, if you have anyone who relies on your income for their day-to-day needs like a spouse or children, or if you have debts like a mortgage, then you likely need life insurance.

Reason #2 – Life insurance is too expensive:

If in the past people have found life insurance to be too expensive it could be because of the type of coverage they were seeking, like whole or universal life insurance. Term life insurance is the most affordable of all the products and is very popular because of it.

Term 10 Life insurance, the most popular Term product in Canada, offers a premium guaranteed not to change for 10 years.

A male non-smoker seeking $100,000 in coverage could be paying as little as*:

1 $125 for a 30 year-old

2 $129 for a 35 year-old

3 $157 for a 40 year-old

4 $207 for a 45 year-old

5 $281 for a 50 year-old

A female non-smoker seeking $100,000 in coverage could be paying as little as*:

6 $106 for a 30 year-old

7 $112 for a 35 year-old

8 $133 for a 40 year-old

9 $163 for a 45 year-old

10 $219 for a 50 year-old

As you can see, for very little money a year, you can get $100,000 in life insurance coverage.

* Lowest quote online from October 2005 for a Term 10 policy, one of the most popular life insurance products in Canada. Premiums shown are the rates if paid annually.

Reason #3 – I don’t know anything about life insurance and don’t know where to start:

A number of free online tools have been developed to help you decide which term life insurance product is best for your specific situation and how much life insurance coverage you should get.

1 Term Life Insurance Analyzers. By answering a few simple questions, these tools will assess your needs and let you know what product is most commonly recommended for people with similar lifestyles.

2 Term Life Insurance Calculators. These tools will help you put a dollar value on the amount of coverage you need in order to ensure that your family, loved ones and your debts are covered in the event of your death.

Reason #4 – Life insurance is a hassle to get:

Thanks to the Internet, getting term life insurance quotes is now fast and easy. If you want to shop around first, getting quotes online means you can avoid hard-sell tactics by someone sitting across from you. There is no sales pressure or obligation to buy when you get quotes online. It’s easy, can be done any time at your convenience and is simply a better way to shop for life insurance because of it.

Health benefits of hazelnut

Hazelnut which is a very important nutritional value in a well-balanced diet, has several important health benefits in protecting against diseases. Having special combination of oil (especially oleic acid rich oil structure), proteins, carbohydrate, beta-sitosterol, essential vitamins and minerals, giving hazelnut a special place among other nuts for its unique ability to protect against diseases. It is known that consuming only 25-30 gr of hazelnuts a day, is enough for daily vitamin E needs and a very good way of protecting against heart-vein diseases and cancer

Hazelnut and hazelnut oil is the best known source for Vitamin E which is essential for the healthy heart muscles and other muscles of the body as well. It is also necessary for normal functioning of the reproduction system. Vitamin E prevents the disintegration of red blood cells, thus it serves as a protection against deficiency of blood which is called anemia. Another benefit of Vitamin E which is found in hazelnut is to prevent the factors which prepare the basis for cancer disease. If cancer is already formed in the body, then it fights to defuse the harmful cells. Beta-sitosterol, which is found amply in hazelnut, is an important mean of decreasing cholesterol and preventing cancer (breast cancer and prostate cancer).

Thus, consuming 25 gr. Hazelnut a day protects the body both for heart-disease and cancer.

Hazelnut is rich in oil. Indeed 60-70 % of hazelnut consists of oil. This structure provides not only energy to organisms, but also protection of body temperature, protection against outer factors and helps to the movement of vitamins which melt in the oil. In the combination of hazelnut oil, there are some oil acids which carry out important duties for organisms. For instance; oleic acid which is found in hazelnut oil prevents the rise of cholesterol in the blood, decreases cholesterol by 26,2%, arranges the blood sugar, increases the protective Apapratein A-1 for health-vein diseases by 25% and decreases risky Apapratein B by %7,5.

Another beneficial acid in hazelnut oil is Linoleic Acid which can be found heavily in hazelnut oil. Linoleic Acid plays very important role for the growth and healthy development of organisms.

Vitamin Components of Hazelnut

Hazelnut is a good source for B1, B2 and B6 vitamins. These vitamins are essential in blood formation and mental health, especially for those of children in development age.

The following vitamins can be found in substantial amounts in hazelnut:

- Calcium which is essential for healthy bones and teeth;

- Iron, which has blood production function;

- Zinc, which has an important role in the development of sexual hormones;

- Potassium, which is necessary for the stimulation of nervous system and the properly functioning of muscle system.

Consuming hazelnut is very important for healthy life. Eating only 25 gr hazelnuts a day can be a very good protection against many diseases including cancer and heart diseases. According to results of a research, people who consume hazelnuts or hazelnut oil, have 50% less risk of dying because of hearth attack when compared to those who never consume hazelnuts. It is the most beneficial nutraceutical element for heart health. For more information visit hazelnut-health. blogspot. com/

Top reasons to play texas holdem poker

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It is easier to play Texas Holdem then some of the other poker games because everyone is using the same cards with the exception of their hole cards to make the best hand. Seeing the cards lined up on the table allows you a better perspective on the cards then if they were in your hand.

Texas Holdem makes bluffing much harder by placing all the cards you can use to make your winning hand in a communal pile for everyone to use. The only thing you have to make a different hand from everyone else's is 2 hole cards dealt at the beginning of the hand. The game is harder to bluff because you are able to watch the eyes of the other players as the communal cards are exposed. Without lots of practice you can watch and get a feel fro who has what cards by watching them look at the cards. Even if their faces do not give their hands away their eyes will. Someone will tend to focus on cards they may be able to use. You can also tell what they have by their lack of reactions to other cards, if a player dismisses a card immediately you can determine what kind of hand he may be holding.

Because of the way the betting is structured in Texas Holdem Poker it is easy for the pots to grow very large and you can eliminate other players and win big money in a short period of time. The game is broken down into 4 rounds and after each round is the opportunity to bet again, this is how the pots grow large very fast especially in a no limit Texas Holdem Poker game.

Many people may think that playing the most popular poker game may not be cool and that the true poker fans play draw or Caribbean Stud Poker but they would be wrong in my opinion. The advantage about playing the most popular game is that it is easier to find people who play that game and you will have a bigger selection of players to choose from to find good players. Playing against people who play at your skill level or better makes the game more of a challenge and therefore more exciting.

I can not even begin to tell you why Texas Holdem is so popular, but I can explain its continued popularity and growth. It is simple really, the more people who play the more interest in the game grows. Now we have many Texas Holdem based TV shows spreading the game to many people who would never have otherwise learned the game. Texas Holdem has more professional players then any other casino game played today. Some pro's even get very lucrative sponsorship deals when earn them millions of dollars every year just for having a sponsors name on his shirt while they play the game.

The longer Texas Holdem poker is the most popular poker game the more people that are going to start playing it, making its popularity and its number of players infinite. This means that Texas Holdem is going to be around for a long time.

Eliminate your debt through debt consolidation

Debt consolidation simply means consolidating all your existing debts into one lower monthly payment. This is usually achieved by using a financial institution as thy can help you pay off all your debts and then you have to pay them this one lower single monthly payment. Thousands of people that have been in debt for a long time have used debt consolidation companies and this has then helped them to reduce their debts.

Debt Consolidation A Great Way to Reduce Your Debt

Reducing debt is a hard thing to do for many people. Sometimes they are so heavily in debt that finding a way out seems impossible. But with debt consolidation you can find the perfect way out. Regardless of how heavily in debt you are a debt consolidation company can help you out of your trouble. All those heavy monthly payments will be lifted from your shoulders and you can then afford the small monthly repayment. These debt consolidation loans have a lower interest rate then credit cards or even car loans. If you help eliminate the interest then you can eliminate your debts.

Apply For Online or an Offline Debt Consolidation Loan

There are two ways to apply for a debt consolidation loan. You can apply either online or offline. There are benefits for each one and it seems that many people are now applying for the online debt consolidation loans. They are quicker and you can get a response within a few hours or even minutes. Offline debt consolidation loans will take a lot longer and there will usually be a credit check to see if you can manage the monthly repayments. This will benefit a lot of people as rushing into a debt consolidation loan without thinking about your own finances will usually end up with you being in a lot of trouble. So think before you apply.

Debt Consolidation for All

It seems that anyone can now apply and be granted a debt consolidation loan. The best way that a lot of people are granted these debt consolidation loans is by applying online. The problem with this is that these online companies may not run a full credit check to see if you can meet the repayment scheme. This can result in desperate people taking an unnecessary risk regarding their homes, as that will be what they use to safe guard the debt consolidation loan. Missing payments can put you further into debt and then there is no way out. Just because a rate looks good it does not mean that you should apply for their loan.

Debt consolidation is a great way to eliminate your debts. But you should only obtain a debt consolidation loan if you know that you can meet the monthly repayment scheme. Any loan should be thought through before you think of applying.

Dog gets into water garden when owner is at work

Dear Mr. Katz,

I've read your book and it's been interesting as well as helpful - it's taught me to teach my dog some new behaviors and discipline.

However, I wouldn't be writing if I still didn't have a lingering problem.

The water garden is obviously too much fun to ignore. And there's birds landing in there to take a bath! I'm nearly convinced it's the birds tempting her, but I could be wrong. I don't think she really sees the fish.

In any case, I have tried the Snappy Trainers - the devices that work like a mouse trap but just make a big noise when tripped. She does not like them at all. But either I don't have enough of them or something else is getting her attention to the point that they don't matter. I have also tried leaving her in the house - that works too, but in the long run, I'd rather have her outdoors. As a side note, my fiancй's Malamute was here for a week and also thinks the pond is the cat's meow - and she's the last dog we thought would venture into that much water. Help.

Thanks,

Sue

Dear Sue:

It's the same as house-proofing your dog, garden-proofing, etc...

You need to keep the dog confined to a dog run when you cannot supervise him.

Only allow him to run free in the yard when you can spy on him. This may take a couple of months or more, but the benefits will be a lifetime of reliability.

This is really the type of behavior where an electronic collar makes life easy. Instead of running outside to correct the dog, the dog instead things that the correction came from the water garden itself. This makes the training process A LOT FASTER. (Ever notice how quickly dogs learn not to play around in thorny rose bushes???)

If you don't want to get an e-collar, then leave the training collar on the dog, and do the "No, no, no" routine that I outlined in the book. This will work just the same.

That's all for now, folks!

Adam